Dear Diary, March 15.10

ugh! don't you just hate it when you wake up so early in the morning like you've made plans, when in fact you really have nothing to do for the day!? :(

WELL I DO. it just means that i have that much more time to waste wondering what to do for the day.

ANYWHOO let us start!

so hier (yesterday) my brother introduced me to a song by John Legend called This Time. O.M FRICKEN.G!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Rcto6ZRss&NR=1

As the music lover that i is? (lol) this song deff puts the icing on my adele, maroon 5, Gabe bondoc, Kings of leon, Jason Mraz, Colbie caillat cake! there's something about his songs that just calms me down, its so earthy! 'This Time' is about a relationship where the male finally comes to his senses and realizes that his true love has been with him all along, so 'this time' he'll be a man and commit all his cards to their relationship.

JEEWIZZ!! I just wish all boys would become men sooner than later. If i had someone relatively close to a man, oh boy! :) LOL moving on...

SOOOO ROX, had the car yesterday and decided to pull a mission to pick me up, chill with Eddy&Sophia and have the car back in time to pick up her sister... CAN YOU SAY FAIL? LOL
by the time she came around to get me, we had to go back to mcd to get rosie :( lol
BUT HAVE NO SORROW.. we ended up driving to Vaughn Mills (GOD I HOPE AI SPELT 'VAUGHN' RIGHT).

Once we got there, we decided to go check out the pet store CAN YOU SAY KA-YUTE!!!!
i saw a maltese that looked exactly like curtis!! (my cousin's ex puppy) ... BUT THAT'S WHERE MY HAPPINESS ENDED.

As you know I have a huge phobia of snakes ughhhhh****!!!!@$@%# and of course they'd be selling snakes in a pet store, so i decided to move away. EDDYYY decided that it would be fun to scare the living **** out of me. He took up a piece of rope (or something like that), brought it up to my face and said "Kady, LOOK!!"

LET ME TELL THAT I'VE NEVER SCREAMED AND JUMPED INTO THE ARMS OF SOMEONE SO QUICKLY!!

(p.s sorry Roxyy) LOL i thought that somehow a snake got out and eddy got a hold of it :'(

HONESTLY why is it that everytime i'm with them they find a way to either scare me, sell me, use me for drugs and other disturbing things!!? LMAO I need new friends goddamnit! but i must admit their like Family Channel, its never a dull moment with them!

PPS. Roxy we really need to get those mirrors... sometimes I feel like i'm a black girl, But i just can't accept that ridiculous fate, eww nigros LMAOOO (insidy joke) :P

anywayss i'm hungry time for breakfast!!

xoxo

-KadyLady <3

Dear Diary, April 16.10 Confession

WOW, so it's been a month since i've last written anything! what a shame right?

so much has happend since i've last written. But for now i would like to focus on something that has bothering me for a while (a month to be exact). OK so here goes...they say that when you truly decide to accept god into your life, the enemy is going to come at you even harder right?

well for this past month i've never felt so terribly defiable, hopeless, useless and lost in my life.
everytime i sit down to pray or read a scripture, I feel this heavy burden on me, forcing me to sleep.
ITS RIDICULOUS!! and for some reason i just feel so aggitated and a heavy spirit of lust falling on me.
i'm having dreams of killing an ex friend and as hard as I try, my school work is going no where!

AND THIS IS THE FUNNY PART, i've been a christian for 18 years now.

as much as i want to be it, i don't feel it. I know he is real and all, i've seen his works. But personally I feel so undeserving of him, I feel like he is looking at me saying "you know kady you've known of me for 18 years, i've shown you my mercy, my grace, my severity and yet you still decide to go down the same path" and when thoughts like these presents itself, I just get harder on myself and start believing that maybe i just wasn't meant to be this strong woman of God that everyone keeps telling me i am going to be. UGHHHH!!!!



BUT THEN IT HIT ME...to get to this place with God that I am yearning for, I first have to go through all these testings and trials. Its like the "hot stove story" you know when something is told to you, but you truly don't understand it until you've experienced it yourself?? well I guess I can say I truly understand.
even though this is a hard time for me, I think that I just need to keep believing in God and trusting him that he will keep holding on to me, no matter how far down I am on this path that I have choosen.


-K.Benjamin <3

Abandoned much?

Wow so it's been a while since i've last posted anything...so in that case, i'm going to add a bunch of my diary entries from my facebook account to make it look like i'm actually up to date with this blog. I PROMISE this will not happen again, I do solemnly swear. With that being said lets start from the most recent ones shall we?